i chased the sun

for a season, i called you mine.

your person is coming back to you in three months, get ready!

you were the sun 
and i was the rose
shades of glimmering topaz
kissed my delicate ruby petals.

you lit up my dark cave
as i slowly withered away
in the captivity of a castle
held hostage to my scars.

your light guided my path
as i wondered with earnest
if every scar on my body 
was a lead-up to you. 

and so i chased the sun
raw and unrelenting
embracing the warmth
that enveloped my whole being.

but how was i to know
your warmth was my downfall
or that you poisoned me
the more i yearned for you?

and all at once 
your warmth became scalding
your rays became harsh
and too glaring for me.

i slipped away 
with a heavy heart
back to the place 
you first saved me. 

and when the night fell
i didn't resist its lulling blue
i didn't run back to you
i didn't hide my tears. 

fast forward 20 months
i'm writing this in a state
of calm and indifference
that you wouldn't have expected. 

you were never meant to be
my happily ever after or
my suave prince charming
or the person i called mine. 

gone were the days of
spite and melancholy 
irregular heartbeats
passing by places we called ours. 

boys in beige pants and black tees
don't scare me anymore
like the shadow of you that
outstayed its welcome. 

although i can't erase 
the existence of the sun
i'm comforted by the fact that
darkness exists because of light.

so now i'm chasing the moon
in its dewy silvery glory
in the peaceful quiet of the night
in hopes that you're looking at it too.

(pinterest)