i stan you

they say love without reason is dangerous.

(picture from pinterest — love you, my sevEN.)

before you ask me why
or question my decisions
let me take you back
to where it all began

i was a doe-eyed girl
walking in step with my best friend
waiting under the dark sky
for another day of school

she pressed her phone in my face
and gave me one side of her earphones —
"aren’t they so cool?" she said
"tell me more." i responded

minutes turned into hours
hours turned into days
days turned into months —
truly what was i doing with my life

search histories overturned
secret trips to merch stores
my favourite activity was picking out
five photocards for five dollars
on fridays after music lessons

no matter where i went
i was not to be seen without
my pink wired earphones
dancing to my favourite tunes

they say oh impressionable child
what you have will pass you by
so take this as a warning and
a sign to focus on your studies

critics would sigh with a hand to their chest
between hushed exchanges of disdain —
i was meant to be more intelligent
and more mature than this
but what is visible is
hardly ever the full truth

no matter what season
they were right there for me
with their charming voices and
comforting presence

an extended hand
a warm embrace
telling me —
i’ll be okay

a companion in times of distrust
a cheerleader in times of celebration
a confidante in times of heartache
a consolation in times of disappointment

and now i wonder
how it feels like to be in love
when i love you beyond compare
and you don’t even know my name

it doesn’t matter that you won’t know
even the slightest bit about me
and i know everything about you
because i will move mountains
just to make you happy

your wins are mine and yours
your losses are mine to carry
it’s the least that i can do
to thank you for being here
for existing in the same lifetime

nothing comes close to
the joy of counting down
the seconds till your newest album
blesses the whole of mankind

or the thrill of tapping play
listening to every track and then
realising no one else means this much
or puts out music like you do

i must’ve saved the world in the past
to get this fortunate in this life
to witness your growth
and realise i’m growing too

even as time passes and
we start to grow older
it’s like i’m nineteen again
once your songs play

you don’t have to know me
or recognise who i am
in the midst of millions
screaming your name

your voice and your smile
is all that i need —
my darling star
i’ll stan you
in every lifetime.