i think i’m falling

i see the same old smile,

the same old head of shiny black hair,

the same old brown eyes.

nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary.

but why does it feel different this time?

you’ve called my name thousands of times in our childhood, but why does it sound different now?

we’ve since shed our colourful matching uniforms, said goodbye to the place where we first met.

in the time we’ve been apart, we’ve both given up our crisp, all-white uniforms for a new phase of our lives.

now you’re wearing an all-beige uniform and carrying a black adidas backpack.

and i’ve since got comfortable in a graphic tee and jeans, full glam with my crossbody bag and laptop case.

you’re no longer the boy who’s all decked out in smiggle,

the boy who absolutely loved (loved.) playing soccer,

or the boy that i helped out all so often in chinese classes.

instead i see a boy who’s a full head taller than me,

a boy that switched soccer out for track then for squash,

and a boy who looks like home.

there is just so much to catch each other up on for the four years we’ve been apart.

why am i finding it so difficult to look you in the eyes?

why does my heart seem to lose its mind whenever you’re around?

why does your voice sound like my key to heaven?

you’re certainly still you,

so maybe it’s me.

i’ll never forget the moment where i truly thought i was dying

when it was just my heart beating out of my chest at our proximity.

moments without you just seem so lacking.

moments spent with you feel like fleeting seconds.

i wonder if you can see through me,

see through the whirlwind of thoughts about this,

about us.

this is definitely not what you’ll feel towards a friend.

certainly not.

i’ve never truly had good experiences with boys my age,

but it seems like i’m on a clean slate when i’m around you.

i think this is it.

this is where i fall.

i just hope you’ll catch me.